I am a firm believer that letting yourself be wild is the biggest step we can take toward diverse social tolerance.

–––

We lose the desire to restrict others if we don’t contain and restrict ourselves.

1. Go a little wild, or go a lot
2. Run down the street
3. Skip down the road
4. Flail your arms around chaotically
5. Dance in the park, in the fountain, in the crosswalk
6. Make people smile with your smile as you go wild
7. Let Go!
8. Run, jump, and yell for no reason
9. Don’t react, act
10. Let whatever emotion comes be released through the movement
11. Keep moving in a steady flow
12. Pull yourself out of the normal routine. Spontaneity enlivens creativity and enlivens life!
13. Run naked in the forest

When we let the physical, emotional, mental, vocal — everything of our entire beings — be caught in the moment of the moment, we can move as we feel and express with our whole being.

The release of stress when comprehensively acting at a human’s full range action is overwhelming in its ability to completely relax us.

Let go! There is nothing to worry about. Let go with a smile, or a grin, and maybe the people around you just might join in.

Let yourself out of your box. These boxes are not needed anymore. The containment and protection provided is minimal at best, and toxic to our minds and bodies at worst.

We move and speak and think and feel and flow together in the chaotic symphony of dancing vibrational strings.

Let’s dance wild, no matter how off beat. wild can be good … 

… no, wild is good! Wild frees our spirits.

Let’s go wild, it is OK.

The post Just Let Yourself Be Wild, Man appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Jordan Gray says that you can let go of anger, hurt, resentment, betrayal, and pain that others have caused you… if you choose to.

—–

You can let go anytime, you know.

You can let go of the idea that the one that got away, actually got away. You might have dodged a bullet by not ending up with them.

You can let go of your relationship anytime you want to. If it isn’t serving you, it’s unhealthy, or it makes you miserable, you’re allowed to let go of the idea that you need that person in your life.

You can let go of the old ideas that you have about yourself. Despite what your unhelpful internal dialogue may sometimes tell you, you are worthy of love. You aren’t who you used to be. You are capable of change. You are worthy of forgiveness. Your old mistakes don’t dictate who you are today.

You can let go of your habits that don’t help you grow as a person. Just because the guys at the office talk poorly about their significant others doesn’t mean that you have to. Just because all of your friends watch a certain TV show doesn’t mean that you have to watch it to “keep up”. Just because your friends engage in toxic behaviour doesn’t mean that you have to join them.

You can let go of the negative feelings that you have towards your parents. They’re human. As humans, they’re making it up as they go along… just like everybody else. Whatever they may have done to you in the past, or what you perceived them to have done to you in the past, they were only doing the best they could with who they were at the time.

You can let go of a lot of the pain that still lingers from that person that cheated on you. They did it because they were hurting. Or confused. Or cowardly. Whatever their reasons were, there journey is of no concern of yours. They did what they did because of them… not because of you.

You can let go of the idea that intimate relationships run on autopilot. Things that matter take effort. So put effort in. Your partner deserves you at your best.

You can let go of the idea that your life “should” be a certain way. It is what it is. If you can change it and you want to change it, then change it. If you can’t change it but still want to change it, change your perception of what you want to change.

You can let go of the idea that your significant other should be able to read your mind and give you exactly what you want. You’re an adult. It’s time for you to start asking for what you want. Afraid of asking for help for fear of being rejected? That makes sense. You’re only human. But you’re allowed to let go of that too.

You can let go of the pain, anger, hurt, and resentment that you have towards those who have wronged you in the past. They didn’t know the effect that they would have. And they would apologize if they truly knew how much it still hurt you today.

No matter what you’re holding on to today…

You can let go.

–

You can see more of Jordan’s best writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com

Need help letting go of something? Let’s chat.

Photo courtesy of DepositPhotos.com

The post You Can Let Go Any Time You Want appeared first on The Good Men Project.

We see ourselves as someone who does this or doesn’t do that, regardless of the fact that these ideas are out of date or even self-destructive.

—

The Fable of the Bridge by Rabbi Edwin Friedman presents a dilemma common to many of us. It describes a scene in which a young traveler embarks on a long trip on foot to accept a promising opportunity. During this journey he crosses a high bridge and encounters a strange man. This strange man extends the end of a rope to the traveler and then suddenly jumps off the side of the bridge. The stranger is tied to the other end of the rope so is suspended in mid air, being held up by the traveler on top of the bridge. It’s a tense and physically painful situation for both.

The traveler pleads with the stranger to climb up the rope and relieve him of the burden of holding him. The stranger repeatedly refuses and claims, “You are my responsibility. Don’t let go!”

The traveler, losing physical stamina, and thinking wistfully about his opportunity, becomes ever more desperate to free himself of this person. He attempts to tie the rope to something else. Without success. He pleads again and again with the stranger to do something about the situation. Nothing works.

Finally, when confronted with going over the bridge and dying himself—and never realizing his opportunity—the traveler lets go and moves forward.

We all face a similar challenge every day.

♦◊♦

Most of us think that logic rules our decision making. Not true. We’d like to think that we’re rational people, doing what makes the most sense for us in the moment based on a discrete calculation. Not true again.

Logic plays a certain role, clearly, in how we act; but emotions, and specifically emotional attachments, factor much larger into the big picture. As humans we have instinctive drives to attach emotionally to other people. It starts for survival purposes. These attachments provide us safety, security, and opportunity. Some of these attachments help us, some hurt us, and some are mixed bags. Children need parental or guardian support to survive. Adults need relationships to make it.

So, it’s when we move forward with our lives and evolve that we’re usually confronted with attachments that no longer work. We want to move to another part of the country or world, yet we encounter a conflict with a person or expectation from where we live now. We want to step into a new career, yet we face opposition from people who like or want us to remain where we are now. We start a new relationship, yet we stumble over the legacy relationships—or even feelings—from the past.

Oftentimes our own self-image constitutes this “baggage” from the past. We see ourselves as someone who does this or doesn’t do that, regardless of the fact that these ideas are out of date or even self-destructive. It’s shocking how many people remain in miserable—even dangerous—situations because they believe that they deserve it. Their identity is defined by a certain treatment.

The stranger hanging on the end of the rope in the bridge story is symbolic. He could be a symbol of a person living with us right now or a symbol of a community of folks we grew up with. Either way, the power and pull of this symbolic figure is often mighty.

♦◊♦

Letting go of the stranger, so to speak, is scary. There’s no happy face to put on it. Even though freeing ourselves of the stranger sounds good, and might indeed be good in the end, it’s still represents a death, or at least an end of something familiar.

Attachments to people and ideas are strong. They provide security, stability, identity, and more. Even if they no longer serve us, they likely once did. Saying good-bye to them equates to saying good-bye to part of ourselves. A little piece of us dies along the way.

♦◊♦

Our world is dealing with giant challenges related to this concept. People in much of the world today are confronted with more information on a daily basis than people two generations back faced in a year (or more). We are asked to grow and change all the time. It can be dizzying.

Some of us are standing on the bridge holding ten strangers by rope. We can barely take it anymore. We can scarcely stay upright. We want relief, yet we can’t let go.

It takes courage to know that we will survive. It takes courage to know that we will give more to the world by freeing ourselves of these burdens. It takes courage to say good-bye to people and memories that once served us but no longer do.

Letting go leads to moving on.

Photo credit: Flickr/

The post The Courage To Let Go appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Mike Berry wasn’t prepared for his last day of work, but now he wakes up each day excited to be living his dream.

___

A little more than a year ago, I was suddenly fired. The experience was devastating and embarrassing. But one year later, I’m living a bigger purpose than I could have imagined.

Numb. That’s the word I would use to describe the feeling I felt when my supervisor looked at me and said, “We’re releasing you from student ministry.”

Actually, numb communicates a feeling. I had none. No expression on my face either. After the HR Director finished his spiel about what I had to sign, what I had to agree to, and what I had to leave behind, I shook their hands, and quietly walked out of the office we were meeting in. In my right hand were severance papers. Never in a million years would I have dreamed I would carry severance papers!

It took me a few minutes to reach my office, but in that time I had already sent a text to my wife, and my two best friends. All sent back prayer offerings and encouragement. For the next hour I wrapped up important details my team would need upon my departure which, by the way, was the end of that day. Over the next few weeks, I struggled to find my purpose. I had spent 17 years working in the church. Seventeen years! It’s all I had known in my adult life. Ask anyone who has spent anytime working in a ministry context …. it kinda sorta becomes your identity. Try as you may to not let it, it just does.

So there I was, jobless, purposeless (or so I thought) and searching.

The search didn’t last long. A few weeks later, I sat on the side of a mountain (actually on the side of a mountain in Colorado) and heard a voice speaking to my heart, telling me to write and speak full-time to parents all around the world. I was terrified but excited, dumbfounded but assured. I climbed down from the mountain and began my career as a writer and public speaker. I’ve never looked back. As I think back to that experience, and this past year, there are several valuable lessons getting fired taught me.

• It taught me how to fight. I decided I would not be defeated by this. Frankly, when you go through devastating moments in life, there’s a part of you that feels directionless and that leads to feelings of wanting to quit. I learned how to beat this feeling- change direction! That’s what I did. I changed my direction and, in the process, decided that I would never stop fighting to overcome adversity. Nothing, and I mean nothing, would stop me from succeeding!

• It brought my dreams into focus. For three years my dreams of being a writer had been, well, just a dream. Nothing more. I had even had several people look at me over the years and say things like, “You’re supposed to do something bigger than work in a church. You’re supposed to write and speak to families like you do in your blog.” I ignored them. But suddenly this dream came into focus and I realized it was more than a dream … it was my calling!

• It showed me the power of silence. It’s been said a billion times, “Silence is golden.” Silence is actually way more powerful than the most eloquently spoken words. Let me tell you what I mean by this: I could have gone on the defense and spent my time and energy trying to make a point after I was fired. Frankly, I could have shared information that I had learned in my time in ministry there, that would have been damaging to the reputation and credibility of the church. But I didn’t. I chose silence. I literally said nothing. It wasn’t easy but my reason was simple: Silence is power. Silence, especially in the midst of turmoil, shows character.

• It reminded me that integrity wins. There is also power in maintaining a high level of integrity. A long time ago a friend told me, “They can accuse you, blame you, even try to ruin you! But if you have integrity, they don’t have a leg to stand on.” True! When I was fired, a letter went out to the congregation saying that I had been let go because of “Job Performance Issues.” Honestly, it stung a little when I read that, but then I realized something. My job performance wasn’t bad. In fact, it was really good. I had done an exceptional job in my two years there. Many others confirmed this. As hard as it was to not speak up, I said nothing, and I did nothing. I wanted to though. But integrity said no, keep your mouth shut. That proved to be a good move.

• It made me better. I’m a better person, better father, better husband, better friend, better writer, and a better human. I won’t give up on the dream that God has placed in my heart. As long as there are overwhelmed, tired or weary parents in this world, my fingers will tap the keys on this laptop. You see, you can let tough circumstances make you bitter, or you can let them make you better. I don’t have any bitter or hard feelings toward the church, the people who pointed fingers, made accusations, or even delivered the news of my termination. I have gratitude, actually. They made me stronger, more resilient, and more determined than ever before. They made me better.

♦◊♦

The month after I was fired our blog soared into the stratosphere, with 185,000 visitors from all over the globe. The month after that … 541,000+ visitors. We’ve never looked back. We receive emails every week from people looking for hope, searching for one thread of encouragement. They’re looking to us! I’m overwhelmed and humbled when I think of this. Never underestimate the dreams that you have in your heart.

The future is bright, there is hope, and I have a clearer purpose for my life than ever before. I have one devastating experience to thank for this!

Photo—Timothy Krause/Flickr

The post How a Devastating Experience Gave Me a New Life Purpose appeared first on The Good Men Project.

I am a firm believer that letting yourself be wild is the biggest step we can take toward diverse social tolerance.

–––

We lose the desire to restrict others if we don’t contain and restrict ourselves.

1. Go a little wild, or go a lot
2. Run down the street
3. Skip down the road
4. Flail your arms around chaotically
5. Dance in the park, in the fountain, in the crosswalk
6. Make people smile with your smile as you go wild
7. Let Go!
8. Run, jump, and yell for no reason
9. Don’t react, act
10. Let whatever emotion comes be released through the movement
11. Keep moving in a steady flow
12. Pull yourself out of the normal routine. Spontaneity enlivens creativity and enlivens life!
13. Run naked in the forest

When we let the physical, emotional, mental, vocal — everything of our entire beings — be caught in the moment of the moment, we can move as we feel and express with our whole being.

The release of stress when comprehensively acting at a human’s full range action is overwhelming in its ability to completely relax us.

Let go! There is nothing to worry about. Let go with a smile, or a grin, and maybe the people around you just might join in.

Let yourself out of your box. These boxes are not needed anymore. The containment and protection provided is minimal at best, and toxic to our minds and bodies at worst.

We move and speak and think and feel and flow together in the chaotic symphony of dancing vibrational strings.

Let’s dance wild, no matter how off beat. wild can be good … 

… no, wild is good! Wild frees our spirits.

Let’s go wild, it is OK.

The post Just Let Yourself Be Wild, Man appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Jordan Gray says that you can let go of anger, hurt, resentment, betrayal, and pain that others have caused you… if you choose to.

—–

You can let go anytime, you know.

You can let go of the idea that the one that got away, actually got away. You might have dodged a bullet by not ending up with them.

You can let go of your relationship anytime you want to. If it isn’t serving you, it’s unhealthy, or it makes you miserable, you’re allowed to let go of the idea that you need that person in your life.

You can let go of the old ideas that you have about yourself. Despite what your unhelpful internal dialogue may sometimes tell you, you are worthy of love. You aren’t who you used to be. You are capable of change. You are worthy of forgiveness. Your old mistakes don’t dictate who you are today.

You can let go of your habits that don’t help you grow as a person. Just because the guys at the office talk poorly about their significant others doesn’t mean that you have to. Just because all of your friends watch a certain TV show doesn’t mean that you have to watch it to “keep up”. Just because your friends engage in toxic behaviour doesn’t mean that you have to join them.

You can let go of the negative feelings that you have towards your parents. They’re human. As humans, they’re making it up as they go along… just like everybody else. Whatever they may have done to you in the past, or what you perceived them to have done to you in the past, they were only doing the best they could with who they were at the time.

You can let go of a lot of the pain that still lingers from that person that cheated on you. They did it because they were hurting. Or confused. Or cowardly. Whatever their reasons were, there journey is of no concern of yours. They did what they did because of them… not because of you.

You can let go of the idea that intimate relationships run on autopilot. Things that matter take effort. So put effort in. Your partner deserves you at your best.

You can let go of the idea that your life “should” be a certain way. It is what it is. If you can change it and you want to change it, then change it. If you can’t change it but still want to change it, change your perception of what you want to change.

You can let go of the idea that your significant other should be able to read your mind and give you exactly what you want. You’re an adult. It’s time for you to start asking for what you want. Afraid of asking for help for fear of being rejected? That makes sense. You’re only human. But you’re allowed to let go of that too.

You can let go of the pain, anger, hurt, and resentment that you have towards those who have wronged you in the past. They didn’t know the effect that they would have. And they would apologize if they truly knew how much it still hurt you today.

No matter what you’re holding on to today…

You can let go.

–

You can see more of Jordan’s best writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com

Need help letting go of something? Let’s chat.

Photo courtesy of DepositPhotos.com

The post You Can Let Go Any Time You Want appeared first on The Good Men Project.

We see ourselves as someone who does this or doesn’t do that, regardless of the fact that these ideas are out of date or even self-destructive.

—

The Fable of the Bridge by Rabbi Edwin Friedman presents a dilemma common to many of us. It describes a scene in which a young traveler embarks on a long trip on foot to accept a promising opportunity. During this journey he crosses a high bridge and encounters a strange man. This strange man extends the end of a rope to the traveler and then suddenly jumps off the side of the bridge. The stranger is tied to the other end of the rope so is suspended in mid air, being held up by the traveler on top of the bridge. It’s a tense and physically painful situation for both.

The traveler pleads with the stranger to climb up the rope and relieve him of the burden of holding him. The stranger repeatedly refuses and claims, “You are my responsibility. Don’t let go!”

The traveler, losing physical stamina, and thinking wistfully about his opportunity, becomes ever more desperate to free himself of this person. He attempts to tie the rope to something else. Without success. He pleads again and again with the stranger to do something about the situation. Nothing works.

Finally, when confronted with going over the bridge and dying himself—and never realizing his opportunity—the traveler lets go and moves forward.

We all face a similar challenge every day.

♦◊♦

Most of us think that logic rules our decision making. Not true. We’d like to think that we’re rational people, doing what makes the most sense for us in the moment based on a discrete calculation. Not true again.

Logic plays a certain role, clearly, in how we act; but emotions, and specifically emotional attachments, factor much larger into the big picture. As humans we have instinctive drives to attach emotionally to other people. It starts for survival purposes. These attachments provide us safety, security, and opportunity. Some of these attachments help us, some hurt us, and some are mixed bags. Children need parental or guardian support to survive. Adults need relationships to make it.

So, it’s when we move forward with our lives and evolve that we’re usually confronted with attachments that no longer work. We want to move to another part of the country or world, yet we encounter a conflict with a person or expectation from where we live now. We want to step into a new career, yet we face opposition from people who like or want us to remain where we are now. We start a new relationship, yet we stumble over the legacy relationships—or even feelings—from the past.

Oftentimes our own self-image constitutes this “baggage” from the past. We see ourselves as someone who does this or doesn’t do that, regardless of the fact that these ideas are out of date or even self-destructive. It’s shocking how many people remain in miserable—even dangerous—situations because they believe that they deserve it. Their identity is defined by a certain treatment.

The stranger hanging on the end of the rope in the bridge story is symbolic. He could be a symbol of a person living with us right now or a symbol of a community of folks we grew up with. Either way, the power and pull of this symbolic figure is often mighty.

♦◊♦

Letting go of the stranger, so to speak, is scary. There’s no happy face to put on it. Even though freeing ourselves of the stranger sounds good, and might indeed be good in the end, it’s still represents a death, or at least an end of something familiar.

Attachments to people and ideas are strong. They provide security, stability, identity, and more. Even if they no longer serve us, they likely once did. Saying good-bye to them equates to saying good-bye to part of ourselves. A little piece of us dies along the way.

♦◊♦

Our world is dealing with giant challenges related to this concept. People in much of the world today are confronted with more information on a daily basis than people two generations back faced in a year (or more). We are asked to grow and change all the time. It can be dizzying.

Some of us are standing on the bridge holding ten strangers by rope. We can barely take it anymore. We can scarcely stay upright. We want relief, yet we can’t let go.

It takes courage to know that we will survive. It takes courage to know that we will give more to the world by freeing ourselves of these burdens. It takes courage to say good-bye to people and memories that once served us but no longer do.

Letting go leads to moving on.

Photo credit: Flickr/

The post The Courage To Let Go appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Mike Berry wasn’t prepared for his last day of work, but now he wakes up each day excited to be living his dream.

___

A little more than a year ago, I was suddenly fired. The experience was devastating and embarrassing. But one year later, I’m living a bigger purpose than I could have imagined.

Numb. That’s the word I would use to describe the feeling I felt when my supervisor looked at me and said, “We’re releasing you from student ministry.”

Actually, numb communicates a feeling. I had none. No expression on my face either. After the HR Director finished his spiel about what I had to sign, what I had to agree to, and what I had to leave behind, I shook their hands, and quietly walked out of the office we were meeting in. In my right hand were severance papers. Never in a million years would I have dreamed I would carry severance papers!

It took me a few minutes to reach my office, but in that time I had already sent a text to my wife, and my two best friends. All sent back prayer offerings and encouragement. For the next hour I wrapped up important details my team would need upon my departure which, by the way, was the end of that day. Over the next few weeks, I struggled to find my purpose. I had spent 17 years working in the church. Seventeen years! It’s all I had known in my adult life. Ask anyone who has spent anytime working in a ministry context …. it kinda sorta becomes your identity. Try as you may to not let it, it just does.

So there I was, jobless, purposeless (or so I thought) and searching.

The search didn’t last long. A few weeks later, I sat on the side of a mountain (actually on the side of a mountain in Colorado) and heard a voice speaking to my heart, telling me to write and speak full-time to parents all around the world. I was terrified but excited, dumbfounded but assured. I climbed down from the mountain and began my career as a writer and public speaker. I’ve never looked back. As I think back to that experience, and this past year, there are several valuable lessons getting fired taught me.

• It taught me how to fight. I decided I would not be defeated by this. Frankly, when you go through devastating moments in life, there’s a part of you that feels directionless and that leads to feelings of wanting to quit. I learned how to beat this feeling- change direction! That’s what I did. I changed my direction and, in the process, decided that I would never stop fighting to overcome adversity. Nothing, and I mean nothing, would stop me from succeeding!

• It brought my dreams into focus. For three years my dreams of being a writer had been, well, just a dream. Nothing more. I had even had several people look at me over the years and say things like, “You’re supposed to do something bigger than work in a church. You’re supposed to write and speak to families like you do in your blog.” I ignored them. But suddenly this dream came into focus and I realized it was more than a dream … it was my calling!

• It showed me the power of silence. It’s been said a billion times, “Silence is golden.” Silence is actually way more powerful than the most eloquently spoken words. Let me tell you what I mean by this: I could have gone on the defense and spent my time and energy trying to make a point after I was fired. Frankly, I could have shared information that I had learned in my time in ministry there, that would have been damaging to the reputation and credibility of the church. But I didn’t. I chose silence. I literally said nothing. It wasn’t easy but my reason was simple: Silence is power. Silence, especially in the midst of turmoil, shows character.

• It reminded me that integrity wins. There is also power in maintaining a high level of integrity. A long time ago a friend told me, “They can accuse you, blame you, even try to ruin you! But if you have integrity, they don’t have a leg to stand on.” True! When I was fired, a letter went out to the congregation saying that I had been let go because of “Job Performance Issues.” Honestly, it stung a little when I read that, but then I realized something. My job performance wasn’t bad. In fact, it was really good. I had done an exceptional job in my two years there. Many others confirmed this. As hard as it was to not speak up, I said nothing, and I did nothing. I wanted to though. But integrity said no, keep your mouth shut. That proved to be a good move.

• It made me better. I’m a better person, better father, better husband, better friend, better writer, and a better human. I won’t give up on the dream that God has placed in my heart. As long as there are overwhelmed, tired or weary parents in this world, my fingers will tap the keys on this laptop. You see, you can let tough circumstances make you bitter, or you can let them make you better. I don’t have any bitter or hard feelings toward the church, the people who pointed fingers, made accusations, or even delivered the news of my termination. I have gratitude, actually. They made me stronger, more resilient, and more determined than ever before. They made me better.

♦◊♦

The month after I was fired our blog soared into the stratosphere, with 185,000 visitors from all over the globe. The month after that … 541,000+ visitors. We’ve never looked back. We receive emails every week from people looking for hope, searching for one thread of encouragement. They’re looking to us! I’m overwhelmed and humbled when I think of this. Never underestimate the dreams that you have in your heart.

The future is bright, there is hope, and I have a clearer purpose for my life than ever before. I have one devastating experience to thank for this!

Photo—Timothy Krause/Flickr

The post How a Devastating Experience Gave Me a New Life Purpose appeared first on The Good Men Project.

I can’t be the only one who does this: I scroll mindlessly through Facebook and see an acquaintance who posts something totally out of left field, like a political sentiment that’s completely outrageous, a new business venture, or an announcement laced with hate speech.

Photo: Taiwaneers/Flickr

This essay originally appeared on Nina’s blog, afterdefeat.

Read Nina Rubin every week here on The Good Men Project!

And thank you for commenting below and sharing this!

The post What To Do When Friends Self-Select Out of Your Life appeared first on The Good Men Project.

• If it frightens you, do it. Don’t think twice.

• Don’t settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.

• Put yourself first. This will save your life.

• No matter what happens, you will handle it.

• Whatever you do, do it 100%. To the fullest.

• If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.

• You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants and joy.

• Ask for what you want. Or just take it.

• If what you are doing isn’t working, try doing something different. Iterate.

• Be clear and direct. Always.

• Learn to say “no.” This is key.

• Don’t make excuses. Ever.

• If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules.

• Let people help you. Really.

• Be honest with yourself. Honestly.

• Do not let anyone treat you badly.

• Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change.

• Don’t tolerate the intolerable—ever.

• Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.

• Live with integrity at all costs. Decide what feels right to you, and then do that.

• Accept the consequences of your actions.

• Be good to yourself. This is the hardest thing.

• Think “abundance.” There is so much out there.

• Face difficult situations and conflict head on.

• Don’t do anything in secret. Everything’s public.

• Do it now. Not later. There is no “later.”

• Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want.

• Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is seriously wrong.

• Give yourself room to fail. You will fail. There are no mistakes, only lessons learned.

• Control is an illusion. Let go; let life happen.

Photo/Pixabay

The post Notes About Life from The Perennial Millennial appeared first on The Good Men Project.

I am a firm believer that letting yourself be wild is the biggest step we can take toward diverse social tolerance.

–––

We lose the desire to restrict others if we don’t contain and restrict ourselves.

1. Go a little wild, or go a lot
2. Run down the street
3. Skip down the road
4. Flail your arms around chaotically
5. Dance in the park, in the fountain, in the crosswalk
6. Make people smile with your smile as you go wild
7. Let Go!
8. Run, jump, and yell for no reason
9. Don’t react, act
10. Let whatever emotion comes be released through the movement
11. Keep moving in a steady flow
12. Pull yourself out of the normal routine. Spontaneity enlivens creativity and enlivens life!
13. Run naked in the forest

When we let the physical, emotional, mental, vocal — everything of our entire beings — be caught in the moment of the moment, we can move as we feel and express with our whole being.

The release of stress when comprehensively acting at a human’s full range action is overwhelming in its ability to completely relax us.

Let go! There is nothing to worry about. Let go with a smile, or a grin, and maybe the people around you just might join in.

Let yourself out of your box. These boxes are not needed anymore. The containment and protection provided is minimal at best, and toxic to our minds and bodies at worst.

We move and speak and think and feel and flow together in the chaotic symphony of dancing vibrational strings.

Let’s dance wild, no matter how off beat. wild can be good … 

… no, wild is good! Wild frees our spirits.

Let’s go wild, it is OK.

The post Just Let Yourself Be Wild, Man appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Jordan Gray says that you can let go of anger, hurt, resentment, betrayal, and pain that others have caused you… if you choose to.

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You can let go anytime, you know.

You can let go of the idea that the one that got away, actually got away. You might have dodged a bullet by not ending up with them.

You can let go of your relationship anytime you want to. If it isn’t serving you, it’s unhealthy, or it makes you miserable, you’re allowed to let go of the idea that you need that person in your life.

You can let go of the old ideas that you have about yourself. Despite what your unhelpful internal dialogue may sometimes tell you, you are worthy of love. You aren’t who you used to be. You are capable of change. You are worthy of forgiveness. Your old mistakes don’t dictate who you are today.

You can let go of your habits that don’t help you grow as a person. Just because the guys at the office talk poorly about their significant others doesn’t mean that you have to. Just because all of your friends watch a certain TV show doesn’t mean that you have to watch it to “keep up”. Just because your friends engage in toxic behaviour doesn’t mean that you have to join them.

You can let go of the negative feelings that you have towards your parents. They’re human. As humans, they’re making it up as they go along… just like everybody else. Whatever they may have done to you in the past, or what you perceived them to have done to you in the past, they were only doing the best they could with who they were at the time.

You can let go of a lot of the pain that still lingers from that person that cheated on you. They did it because they were hurting. Or confused. Or cowardly. Whatever their reasons were, there journey is of no concern of yours. They did what they did because of them… not because of you.

You can let go of the idea that intimate relationships run on autopilot. Things that matter take effort. So put effort in. Your partner deserves you at your best.

You can let go of the idea that your life “should” be a certain way. It is what it is. If you can change it and you want to change it, then change it. If you can’t change it but still want to change it, change your perception of what you want to change.

You can let go of the idea that your significant other should be able to read your mind and give you exactly what you want. You’re an adult. It’s time for you to start asking for what you want. Afraid of asking for help for fear of being rejected? That makes sense. You’re only human. But you’re allowed to let go of that too.

You can let go of the pain, anger, hurt, and resentment that you have towards those who have wronged you in the past. They didn’t know the effect that they would have. And they would apologize if they truly knew how much it still hurt you today.

No matter what you’re holding on to today…

You can let go.

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You can see more of Jordan’s best writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com

Need help letting go of something? Let’s chat.

Photo courtesy of DepositPhotos.com

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We see ourselves as someone who does this or doesn’t do that, regardless of the fact that these ideas are out of date or even self-destructive.

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The Fable of the Bridge by Rabbi Edwin Friedman presents a dilemma common to many of us. It describes a scene in which a young traveler embarks on a long trip on foot to accept a promising opportunity. During this journey he crosses a high bridge and encounters a strange man. This strange man extends the end of a rope to the traveler and then suddenly jumps off the side of the bridge. The stranger is tied to the other end of the rope so is suspended in mid air, being held up by the traveler on top of the bridge. It’s a tense and physically painful situation for both.

The traveler pleads with the stranger to climb up the rope and relieve him of the burden of holding him. The stranger repeatedly refuses and claims, “You are my responsibility. Don’t let go!”

The traveler, losing physical stamina, and thinking wistfully about his opportunity, becomes ever more desperate to free himself of this person. He attempts to tie the rope to something else. Without success. He pleads again and again with the stranger to do something about the situation. Nothing works.

Finally, when confronted with going over the bridge and dying himself—and never realizing his opportunity—the traveler lets go and moves forward.

We all face a similar challenge every day.

♦◊♦

Most of us think that logic rules our decision making. Not true. We’d like to think that we’re rational people, doing what makes the most sense for us in the moment based on a discrete calculation. Not true again.

Logic plays a certain role, clearly, in how we act; but emotions, and specifically emotional attachments, factor much larger into the big picture. As humans we have instinctive drives to attach emotionally to other people. It starts for survival purposes. These attachments provide us safety, security, and opportunity. Some of these attachments help us, some hurt us, and some are mixed bags. Children need parental or guardian support to survive. Adults need relationships to make it.

So, it’s when we move forward with our lives and evolve that we’re usually confronted with attachments that no longer work. We want to move to another part of the country or world, yet we encounter a conflict with a person or expectation from where we live now. We want to step into a new career, yet we face opposition from people who like or want us to remain where we are now. We start a new relationship, yet we stumble over the legacy relationships—or even feelings—from the past.

Oftentimes our own self-image constitutes this “baggage” from the past. We see ourselves as someone who does this or doesn’t do that, regardless of the fact that these ideas are out of date or even self-destructive. It’s shocking how many people remain in miserable—even dangerous—situations because they believe that they deserve it. Their identity is defined by a certain treatment.

The stranger hanging on the end of the rope in the bridge story is symbolic. He could be a symbol of a person living with us right now or a symbol of a community of folks we grew up with. Either way, the power and pull of this symbolic figure is often mighty.

♦◊♦

Letting go of the stranger, so to speak, is scary. There’s no happy face to put on it. Even though freeing ourselves of the stranger sounds good, and might indeed be good in the end, it’s still represents a death, or at least an end of something familiar.

Attachments to people and ideas are strong. They provide security, stability, identity, and more. Even if they no longer serve us, they likely once did. Saying good-bye to them equates to saying good-bye to part of ourselves. A little piece of us dies along the way.

♦◊♦

Our world is dealing with giant challenges related to this concept. People in much of the world today are confronted with more information on a daily basis than people two generations back faced in a year (or more). We are asked to grow and change all the time. It can be dizzying.

Some of us are standing on the bridge holding ten strangers by rope. We can barely take it anymore. We can scarcely stay upright. We want relief, yet we can’t let go.

It takes courage to know that we will survive. It takes courage to know that we will give more to the world by freeing ourselves of these burdens. It takes courage to say good-bye to people and memories that once served us but no longer do.

Letting go leads to moving on.

Photo credit: Flickr/

The post The Courage To Let Go appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Mike Berry wasn’t prepared for his last day of work, but now he wakes up each day excited to be living his dream.

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A little more than a year ago, I was suddenly fired. The experience was devastating and embarrassing. But one year later, I’m living a bigger purpose than I could have imagined.

Numb. That’s the word I would use to describe the feeling I felt when my supervisor looked at me and said, “We’re releasing you from student ministry.”

Actually, numb communicates a feeling. I had none. No expression on my face either. After the HR Director finished his spiel about what I had to sign, what I had to agree to, and what I had to leave behind, I shook their hands, and quietly walked out of the office we were meeting in. In my right hand were severance papers. Never in a million years would I have dreamed I would carry severance papers!

It took me a few minutes to reach my office, but in that time I had already sent a text to my wife, and my two best friends. All sent back prayer offerings and encouragement. For the next hour I wrapped up important details my team would need upon my departure which, by the way, was the end of that day. Over the next few weeks, I struggled to find my purpose. I had spent 17 years working in the church. Seventeen years! It’s all I had known in my adult life. Ask anyone who has spent anytime working in a ministry context …. it kinda sorta becomes your identity. Try as you may to not let it, it just does.

So there I was, jobless, purposeless (or so I thought) and searching.

The search didn’t last long. A few weeks later, I sat on the side of a mountain (actually on the side of a mountain in Colorado) and heard a voice speaking to my heart, telling me to write and speak full-time to parents all around the world. I was terrified but excited, dumbfounded but assured. I climbed down from the mountain and began my career as a writer and public speaker. I’ve never looked back. As I think back to that experience, and this past year, there are several valuable lessons getting fired taught me.

• It taught me how to fight. I decided I would not be defeated by this. Frankly, when you go through devastating moments in life, there’s a part of you that feels directionless and that leads to feelings of wanting to quit. I learned how to beat this feeling- change direction! That’s what I did. I changed my direction and, in the process, decided that I would never stop fighting to overcome adversity. Nothing, and I mean nothing, would stop me from succeeding!

• It brought my dreams into focus. For three years my dreams of being a writer had been, well, just a dream. Nothing more. I had even had several people look at me over the years and say things like, “You’re supposed to do something bigger than work in a church. You’re supposed to write and speak to families like you do in your blog.” I ignored them. But suddenly this dream came into focus and I realized it was more than a dream … it was my calling!

• It showed me the power of silence. It’s been said a billion times, “Silence is golden.” Silence is actually way more powerful than the most eloquently spoken words. Let me tell you what I mean by this: I could have gone on the defense and spent my time and energy trying to make a point after I was fired. Frankly, I could have shared information that I had learned in my time in ministry there, that would have been damaging to the reputation and credibility of the church. But I didn’t. I chose silence. I literally said nothing. It wasn’t easy but my reason was simple: Silence is power. Silence, especially in the midst of turmoil, shows character.

• It reminded me that integrity wins. There is also power in maintaining a high level of integrity. A long time ago a friend told me, “They can accuse you, blame you, even try to ruin you! But if you have integrity, they don’t have a leg to stand on.” True! When I was fired, a letter went out to the congregation saying that I had been let go because of “Job Performance Issues.” Honestly, it stung a little when I read that, but then I realized something. My job performance wasn’t bad. In fact, it was really good. I had done an exceptional job in my two years there. Many others confirmed this. As hard as it was to not speak up, I said nothing, and I did nothing. I wanted to though. But integrity said no, keep your mouth shut. That proved to be a good move.

• It made me better. I’m a better person, better father, better husband, better friend, better writer, and a better human. I won’t give up on the dream that God has placed in my heart. As long as there are overwhelmed, tired or weary parents in this world, my fingers will tap the keys on this laptop. You see, you can let tough circumstances make you bitter, or you can let them make you better. I don’t have any bitter or hard feelings toward the church, the people who pointed fingers, made accusations, or even delivered the news of my termination. I have gratitude, actually. They made me stronger, more resilient, and more determined than ever before. They made me better.

♦◊♦

The month after I was fired our blog soared into the stratosphere, with 185,000 visitors from all over the globe. The month after that … 541,000+ visitors. We’ve never looked back. We receive emails every week from people looking for hope, searching for one thread of encouragement. They’re looking to us! I’m overwhelmed and humbled when I think of this. Never underestimate the dreams that you have in your heart.

The future is bright, there is hope, and I have a clearer purpose for my life than ever before. I have one devastating experience to thank for this!

Photo—Timothy Krause/Flickr

The post How a Devastating Experience Gave Me a New Life Purpose appeared first on The Good Men Project.

I can’t be the only one who does this: I scroll mindlessly through Facebook and see an acquaintance who posts something totally out of left field, like a political sentiment that’s completely outrageous, a new business venture, or an announcement laced with hate speech.

Photo: Taiwaneers/Flickr

This essay originally appeared on Nina’s blog, afterdefeat.

Read Nina Rubin every week here on The Good Men Project!

And thank you for commenting below and sharing this!

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• If it frightens you, do it. Don’t think twice.

• Don’t settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.

• Put yourself first. This will save your life.

• No matter what happens, you will handle it.

• Whatever you do, do it 100%. To the fullest.

• If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.

• You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants and joy.

• Ask for what you want. Or just take it.

• If what you are doing isn’t working, try doing something different. Iterate.

• Be clear and direct. Always.

• Learn to say “no.” This is key.

• Don’t make excuses. Ever.

• If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules.

• Let people help you. Really.

• Be honest with yourself. Honestly.

• Do not let anyone treat you badly.

• Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change.

• Don’t tolerate the intolerable—ever.

• Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.

• Live with integrity at all costs. Decide what feels right to you, and then do that.

• Accept the consequences of your actions.

• Be good to yourself. This is the hardest thing.

• Think “abundance.” There is so much out there.

• Face difficult situations and conflict head on.

• Don’t do anything in secret. Everything’s public.

• Do it now. Not later. There is no “later.”

• Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want.

• Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is seriously wrong.

• Give yourself room to fail. You will fail. There are no mistakes, only lessons learned.

• Control is an illusion. Let go; let life happen.

Photo/Pixabay

The post Notes About Life from The Perennial Millennial appeared first on The Good Men Project.

Embed from Getty Images
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Let go of the idea that it’s too late.

It’s never too late to change your life for the better and it’s never too late to remember who you are, your capabilities, and passions. You don’t discover passion. You remember the person who’s been buried under other people’s needs then start living in authenticity. The person inside that you’ve always hoped you could be and start loving yourself the way you have always wanted to be loved.

We too easily forget that we are never bound to our pasts. You are absolutely under no obligation to be who you were yesterday, last week, last month and definitely not a year ago. You don’t have to make the same mistakes you did when you were younger and it’s okay to want different things, new places, new people, and seek out new and different horizons. You have to believe you are never too old, too jaded, or too broken to take the first step towards change.

Every new day gives us the chance, choice and ability to start fresh and anew…and it’s never too late to take advantage of that.
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Photo Credit: Getty Images

The post One Thing to Let Go in 2018 appeared first on The Good Men Project.

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When I awoke today, it was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes, thus revealing the truth as to why practically everything in my life always felt on the verge of effortlessly manifesting into the desired reality of my choosing. But when it came time for the actual rubber to meet the road, the whole kit and caboodle seemed to fall short of coming together to work properly in one steady, fluid, synchronized motion.

In truth, everything in my life WAS just short of working, but not because of external forces; ie: some person, place or thing. Nope, this time there was no scapegoat to point a finger at in blame.

This same finger I once so carelessly used as a way to shirk personal responsibility and assign blame to others, had now been redirected back in my direction, precisely pinpointing the culprit as being my own faulty belief system vehemently held in place by a self-destructive aspect of my ego.

Previously, there was a point on my spiritual journey when I tried to persuade and indoctrinate myself into the ideology that ego is something needing to be removed, made separate, overcome and conquered. But interestingly, as a result of personal experience, I’d come to a very different conclusion in my way of thinking on this subject.

I believe now that the ego is an aspect within us that’s meant to be friended, acknowledged, and transformed into a powerful ally.

That’s why developing a sufficient level of self-awareness is indispensably fundamental in acquiring the keys to unlock the doorway for stepping into the kingdom of your true potential.

It’s one thing to recklessly tromp through life’s obstacles, oblivious and with blinders on. Unfortunately, a good chunk of the populous does and thus why the ego has gained such a bad rep … but through intending to become self-aware, gradually you’ll procure an innate ability to identify when the destructive aspect of ego rears its head in an attempt to steal the show by means of comparison, separatism, and intense competition with others.

Sadly, what’s oftentimes overlooked is how ego also represents your unique individuality and when enacted as an ally, can be used as a powerful catalyst for channeling personal expression, rather than playing the devious culprit who constantly finagles its way into standing between you and everything you aspire to be and wish to create.

Personally, I’m exhausted fighting with life. When you declare war on life, you always lose, because life ALWAYS wins. You cannot battle fate. Life’s going to flow the way it wishes and by paddling upstream and resisting its currents you don’t evade anything. You only prolong and inevitably delay your unpleasant escapades as life will impart upon you more of these same experiences, only exhibiting slightly different masks until you lay down your arms in full surrender and roll with it.

If it feels like everything is just short of working, it is. It’s up to you to trust that life can and WILL work itself out, because it ALWAYS DOES.

Feeling stuck isn’t mandatory, it’s a choice. Same goes for making the decision to learn from what doesn’t work by letting go and then MOVING BEYOND your pitfalls.

So if you’re feeling like you’re repeatedly falling back into the to same lessons over and over again, carefully reexamine your life and take inventory of where your best efforts are not being made.

I feel this famous saying says it best:

“The lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.”

Because just like you won’t unearth buried treasure while digging around the same old piles of dogshit, you won’t achieve different, positive results by attempting the same shit over and over again that in the past only ever resulted in suffering. Results DON’T LIE, and the expectation of one day things magically going differently by repetitively doing what never worked before and never will? Well, that my friends is what’s called INSANITY.

Today choose to change your beliefs. Detach and allow life to run its course, but don’t get it twisted. Detachment isn’t synonymous with the absence of taking action. It’s taking action but detaching yourself from any expectations you might have for its outcome.

Life always supports and holds us, but it won’t feel that way unless you consciously surrender and trust that it is. You don’t need to rearrange your entire life. Just begin by changing one thing, no matter how insignificant or small it seems.

Start by shifting your focus away from what is not working now and forget about letting those go. Instead focus only on what you want more of and what you’d like to let in. By primarily focusing on what it is you want, what needs to be let go of will just fall away on their own, but you have to start believing you are capable in your abilities to attempt something new and different.

The reality is it’s never too late to change your life for the better and it’s never too late to remember who you are, your capabilities, and passions.

Life doesn’t have to consist of constant struggle and suffering, but this means turning in your resignation as “DIRECTOR OF THE UNIVERSE.”

Make a pact with yourself everyday and say:

“Today I believe all is well and life is working for my benefit in perfect divine order.”

Keep meeting life halfway and trust the universal current is pulling you in a direction free of inaccuracies, into smooth, calm seas. And away from irksome, troublesome surprises, full of loose ends, blundering oversights, and miscalculated errors caused by rash feelings with the need to barge ahead too quickly.

So whenever you feel that subconscious pull and you’re about to take a dip off the deep end, silently say to yourself:

“I let go.
I let go.
I LET GO.

I trust.
I trust.
I TRUST.

I BELIEVE.”

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Photo Credit: Pixabay

The post Let Go, Trust, and Believe appeared first on The Good Men Project.

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I have found there’s a universal irony in how everything comes when you realize you don’t need anything, and that everything you want to happen certainly will, but only after you step down from playing the role of “Director of the Universe,” where everything must be forced into existence.

Let go of the anxious desire of always needing to know what happens next, and the next time your mind begins to speak its fantastical tales involving imminent danger, failure, mistakes, and destruction, decide to embrace the unknown and find peace instead of falling backwards into old patterns of fear. It’s about learning to trust this space between no longer, and not there “yet” without paralyzingly fearing it.

Regardless of situations or what’s happening around you, you have the ability to decide how life will affect you. You can RELAX into it, trust and flow, or incessantly WORRY. The choice is always yours.

Whenever you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, return to surrender, but not surrendering in a traditional sense. The meaning of surrender is oftentimes misinterpreted. It’s not that you are surrendering to anything outside yourself, but rather surrendering TO YOURSELF, as an observer, to witness all the illusions you no longer need crumble away as you release all the attachment to needing to know what the future holds, what it may bring, and all your “fixed ideas” of what your life’s supposed to look like. Once you release all the ideas of how you believe life “should be,” you actually begin to enjoy life as it is. Life doesn’t turn out the way it “should.” Life doesn’t turn out the way it “shouldn’t.” Life turns out the way it does.

The fact of the matter is, to make new and better, more aligned choices you have to get in touch with your soul, and this means you must sort through what you believe about yourself and then discard any of those systems holding you back and make you feel small. You must find a way to do this or watch as the life you know you so desperately want and deserve…fades away.

If you continue to do the same things over and over again, but expecting different results, well that my friends is what’s called INSANITY. That’s like digging around in the same old pile of dog shit for years hoping that one day you’ll unearth buried treasure. The treasure you seek is not found in repeatedly doing the same things over again. You never found joy there before and you will definitely won’t find any joy there now either.

It’s okay to look like a total fool sometimes. To get what different results in your life you’ll have to leave what’s comfortable behind and take risks. The growth you seek requires you to abandon the familiar safety net just long enough to learn something new.

Oftentimes, the true manifestation of your deepest desires carries with it the requirements to push beyond fear, take risks and trusting in the process of letting go of what you have now in order to bring about what you truly desire for your life later.

Don’t be afraid, embrace the truth in the fact you have undergone an intense inner transformation, altering you in such ways preventing you from ever falling backward into past patterns or the person you once were. You needn’t run from the past in order to become something better. You cannot LOSE yourself. The truth of who you are always lives within you. You feel lost only because you believe you’re supposed to know where you’re going, thus forgetting the truth of who YOU ARE: The Creator of Your Reality.

The role of men is changing in the 21st century. Want to keep up?

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Photo Credit: Pixabay

The post How is Playing ‘Director of the Universe’ Serving You? appeared first on The Good Men Project.

The Moment in Question

People talk about why February, though the shortest month, seems to last longer. I’d say it’s because of all the disruption that happens this time of year. Think about what February brings: some of the most extreme weather, an onslaught of illnesses, and this little holiday thrown in there where professing our love is commercially mandated. And let’s not even talk about the awfulness that are the headlines in the news.

Disruption can come at us like a punch in the gut. That’s what it is after all. It’s a jarring moment within a string of easy going moments. The moments around the disruptor may not even be that calm and cool; it’s simply the level of disturbance that the moment in question causes that puts everything into perspective.

Learning how to deal with disruption is indeed a skill. The two most needed, it seems, are acceptance and integration. Acknowledge what it is and blend it in. Disruptions, unfortunately, aren’t the best candidates for the beautiful dharma of “just letting it go.” No.  We instead have to bring along whatever has wedged itself into our happy moments, and then let go of the attachment we feel toward whatever that new way of life is.

One key learning about disruptions is that they don’t last forever and they aren’t always bad. Some disruptions bring about amazing things. They are, however, very definitely one singular moment. Everything else around them is fabric of tried and true ways, traditions, beliefs or set feelings. The disruption is the test to that fabric. If we let it tear into it, then it can become an event horizon and swallow up more of our happiness. We don’t want that. We want to keep disruptions at their standard size: no bigger than the period at the end of this sentence.

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Photo by Wil Stewart on Unsplash

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